Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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