I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
