I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
