Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
