So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
