I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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