Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
