Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
