I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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