She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
