So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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