maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
