You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
