today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
