This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Naked Twister starts at high noon
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
