Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
