we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
