I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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