Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
