Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
