Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
