i just wanna soil my oats bro
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
