It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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