You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
