I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
