so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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