so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
