Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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