Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
