I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
