there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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