And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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