Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
