I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
