You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
