I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
