Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
