Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
