i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Randomize
