2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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