I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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