In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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