You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
