Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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