i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
