Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
