He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
