i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
