I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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