Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
